Never Gonna Be Alone
by emzypemzy
Summary: What could be going on in Garcia's head as she watches Morgan filling in for Hotch. ONEshot. Inspired by the Nickelback song "Never Gonna Be Alone"


_**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds or "Never Gonna Be Alone" by Nickelback. **_

**_My take on what _could _possibly be going on in Garcia's head with Morgan as Acting Chief.

* * *

_**

**And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands,**

**  
**We'd sit for hours watching crappy films and just _being_. We'd laugh for days at the tiniest of things and you'd laugh that deep bellied laugh that had your eyes sparkling and my lips curving into a smile.

At work our flirting was part of our daily schedule, our nicknames a constant in the crazy world of profiling, of catching killers. Everyone got a kick out of it; everyone thought it was my way of helping you cope, of helping them cope. When in all honesty it was my way of helping me cope, helping you guys was a bonus. My flirting lead to you flirting and you flirting and our banter allowed me to work through crime scene photo after gruesome crime scene photo, horrendous video after horrendous video. Your reaction to my flirting, to my jokes and my teasing is what helps me help you wonderful agents catch these killers.

But now I see you shrinking away from the team, from me. You are consuming yourself with this position, with not letting Hotch down. I can tell it's eating away at you, it's chipping away at the teams' dynamic and you are feeling the strain. The flirting has decreased during work hours and that handsome face smiles less, your eyes showing very little but worry. And it makes me worry. Not just for you either, for me, for the team. You are doing the job that you were 'asked' to do. You didn't really have a choice: it was you or the team falls apart. I think you forget that sometimes. But I refuse to let you forget about our particular brand of office banter, _I_ need it; _you_ need it; _they_ need it.

'**Cause forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you,**

Some would say I am being selfless because they do not know of my true motives. You help get me through the day, each and every day and I know that no matter who is in my life or in your life that this must not stop – it cannot stop. If it does I know I will break. Kevin is there for me, he does the same job, but he doesn't have to see what I do, he doesn't have to trawl through the sadistic images or the heartbreaking videos or audio, at least nowhere near as much as I do. He tries to comfort me, and he does succeed, mostly. But then there was always our banter, our flirting, and our random conversations that would have picked me up to a level at which he could reach me. I need you. It's a fact.

He knows it, deep down they all do and I know that you do, when you allow yourself to think about it. Right now I need to make sure that you do, and not just that I need you, but that I will always be there when _you_ need _me_ because we both know that we rely on each other when we need it the most, when things get too much.

Right now things are beginning to get to that stage, but with you pulling away out of what you feel is necessity I need to ensure that you remember.

**So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...**

**You're never gonna be alone  
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,  
I won't let you fall...  
You're never gonna be alone  
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.**

I need you, but no matter what happens now – with you, with Hotch, with the team – I will always be there. I refuse to let you walk away from our dynamic, both in work and out of it. I will smile and call you "sir"; I will shrug it off when you call me "Penelope" although I must admit sometimes it sounds damn sexy. But those types of thoughts need to be shoved out of the way, thought of and then discarded, acknowledged and then forgotten about. It does not do well to dwell on them.

Everyone can see that you are a fine specimen of a man, and although you know it too, our witty back and forth boots each of our confidences that little bit and I cannot help but have the occasional stray thought. I am a woman after all, and it only takes one look at you to see how it could happen.

But you are not only taut muscles and gorgeous lines; you have one heck of a heart, and one sharp mind. I sometimes wonder if those you take on those "Derek Morgan" dates know anything other than the packaging that you want them to see; if they know of the broken man under it all. We see the cracks begin to form in enough time to help, but sometimes we're not there and I get a phone call and the tone of your voice in your "hello" is all I need to hear and I am out the door. I know when you need me as much as you know when I need you.

These past weeks it has been harder to read you, as you've pulled away I try to pull you back. You think this is the way to make it easier on yourself but it's killing you and if you know it you are not doing a thing to stop it. So we're going to do it for you. We do not want to watch you fall apart, fall away from who you are.

Life is far too short for that. What we do each day proves that.

**Oh!  
You've gotta live every single day,  
Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?**

The job you do guarantees danger, you cannot tell the future, you do not know what will happen when you enter a building. You could be walking straight into danger, it could be completely harmless. However, we don't know either way; don't know if you will make it to the next day. Not when some situations can go madly out of control. Look at New York. I refuse to let you slip away from us and from yourself, you are too important to us for us to lose you. You have to take the advice that you gave me after Battle: relish everything, the small moments, the big moments and everything in between; don't let them fall to the way-side.

**  
Don't let it slip away,  
Could be our only one, you know it's only just begun.  
Every single day,  
Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?  
Tomorrow never comes...**

I refuse to let you just retreat into yourself and watch as each day passes you by and you draw away from who you are, life is too short and you are far too big a part of all our lives, _of my life_, for 'you' to vanish as the job and your worry about failing, about disappointing Hotch consumes you.

You will no longer be the "Hot Stuff" I know and love, and I will not stand for that. You would do the same thing if it was the other way around.


End file.
